Seeing the Elephant

If you haven’t had an enemy or at least been involved in an argument, then you have not lived. Admit it. Arguments and misunderstandings, no matter how undesirable they may appear, add a little extra something to life. Too much of it is destructive, Too little of it is scary. People argue because each one has his or her own difference and each has his own opinion. Each person has a different view on things.

Take for example this story.

Four blind men went to the zoo. While they were walking around they came upon an unfamiliar creature. “It’s a snake!” the first blind man said while caressing the creatures long and rough body. “No! It’s a tree!” said the second blind man exclaimed. “Any wise man would know that this is a tree! In fact it’s so huge, I need twice the length of my arms spread just to measure its circumference!” he added.

“You fools! It is neither a snake nor a tree! Can’t you feel? It’s a rhinoceros!” the third blind man shouted with all his might. “What other creature would have a horn? Unless you think it’s a unicorn?” Finally, the last blind man explained. “Hear me out, dear friends for I know now the answer to this mystery! The creature upon us is a bird! Why don’t you feel its mighty wings? They are huge enough to lift us all up in the air!”

The four blind men argued and bickered all the way through the night. They fought and fought until their voice became hoarse. In the end, nobody figured out what the mysterious creature was.

The story above illustrates how and what an argument looks like. Most of the time arguments are caused by differing opinions. They take place because every person has a different take on things. The blind men in the story had different interpretations of the creature upon them. A humble elephant, (Yes it was an elephant. J) became a tree, a snake, a bird and a rhinoceros!

Many of you may find the story silly but isn’t life like that. Most of the time, we are looking at the same things but as to how we see that particular thing is another story. Does the half-full half-empty cup ring a bell? How we see things and how we perceive things is the most common cause of arguments and misunderstandings.

Why do we look at things differently? Why is our perception of events in our lives different? It’s because each of us is unique. Each has a different family background. Each of us was raised by our parents differently. Each of us grew up in a different environment. Each of us has our own unique set of friends. Each has his or her own experiences. All these things have molded us into the person that we are now. These things contribute into molding our outlook in life, on how we react to things, on how we speak, on how we behave and on the things that become important to us.

Gaining a deeper knowledge of these differences  lead us into a wider understanding of how and why conflicts arise. It gives us a clear picture of the stories behind the conflicts. For example, when a group of students argue on how to make a particular group project, they do not argue just for the sake of arguing. There is a big possibility that one of them gives more importance to inclusivity, meaning giving all the members of the group opportunity to take part in  the achievement of a project’s goal. 

One of them may give primacy on the result- as long as the result reaches the standards set, then the process undertaken to strike the goal would be secondary such as leaving the project into the hands of only one student. Another example is when parents argue as to how their child should be punished for a misdemeanor. One of them might believe that sparing the stick spoils the child and the other believes in a more democratic approach in enforcing discipline.

The thing is these differences should be respected. The key is compromise. It’s meeting halfway. Despite these differences there is a certain point which can be agreed upon by both parties. Finding that similarity may be hard but it would be the doorway into resolving conflict.

I guess whenever you are in a conflict you just have to remember that what one sees may be different from the other but there is a very big possibility that its only a small part of the big picture.

If only all of us realize that its an elephant.